Positivity, Always (Except for Pregnancy & STD Tests)

 I've finally come to the realisation (acceptance?) that I am/can sometimes be negative. Not awfully, but quite. The cynicism and harsh dose of reality is something my friends and colleagues are used to, but I don't think it's particularly helpful in the relationship department (for both new friends and more-than-friends).

Over the years, I've come to really manage my anger quite well through having internal monologues. As in, I just rant my heart out inside my mind, then say what needs to be said in a generally PC and neutral way. I think this is something I need to do with my negative thoughts, too.

What do I mean by negative? It's not the traditional "Oh, I don't think acting's a good career path." "Maybe a short bob won't work so well for your face shape." Absolutely not. I am generally quite supportive and, even if the decision is wildly just...bad...I try to be neutrally positive about it. E.g. "Acting's worth pursuing as long as you're serious about it and have plan A and B ready to go." "Why not try a wig or Photoshopping your face to see if you like the look first." 

I am moreso negative about myself or my own life. I downplay my achievements not because of humility, but because I genuinely don't think it's impressive. It's cool that I'm an expat? My family migrated to Singapore and my sister migrated to the US (New York!!!) so it's nothing new. I'm really good at (my 3rd language)? My English is far better, so until my second and third language reach that level, I won't accept that compliment.

I hate being complimented, and the way I tackle anger/negativity is to talk it out. But I haven't had to make new friends or start dating til recently, and negative stuff is not exactly a convo starter for new relationships, so I'm struggling to compartmentalise my thoughts to make sure I don't say anything bad.

I don't plan to be deliriously, blindly positive. Rather, I want to offset the negativity with positivity to achieve true neutrality. 

Person: How's work?

Me (before): Super stressful and tiring hahah but it is what it is

Me (after): It's alright, been a bit tough but nothing I can't manage

See, it's not a super stark difference, but I guess it speaks to the way I perceive things. Work is absolute shet, don't get me wrong. But if I'm too brutally honest, it just sounds...negative. Like it brings down the mood. I aim to keep the mood up and if the subject matter brings me down, I just change the subject to something more positive.

(I can always just rant to friends or here later on, anyway.)

I've so far been managing my care-less-ness (see what I did there) so I've found some sort of peace. So while I'm in the zone, let's get an inner glow up.

Also––more "so"s, less "but"s in sentences. Less I. Say less, listen more. The trash ends up taking itself, so let it do the hard work for you.

(I say say only la, see if I can pull it off anot.)